How to Choose a Funeral Urn or Reliquary
When planning a funeral for a loved one, there are many decisions to make about how to honour that person’s memory. If your loved one chose cremation, you may be unsure whether to choose an urn or a reliquary to hold their ashes. Since there is a wide range of urns and reliquaries available, here is Crématorium Montréal’s overview of the options available to you so that you can make an informed choice in accordance with your own values and the wishes of the deceased.
Difference between a reliquary and a funeral urn
Similar to a closed vase, a funeral urn is a container used to hold all the ashes of the deceased. Some models are specially designed for burial, while others are more suitable for display (at home or in a columbarium).
While the reliquary was once a box designed to hold a relic, i.e. a part of the body, a garment or an object that belonged to a saint, it has since become a smaller and more ornamental version of the urn. It can take the form of a miniature urn, a piece of jewelry or a keepsake. It can hold a portion of the deceased’s ashes, a lock of hair or a piece of clothing. Crématorium Montréal offers a number of models of reliquaries in a variety of styles and materials: an urn, a candlestick holder, a pebble or a pyramid.
The volume of the ashes
If you choose a reliquary, take note that you will not be able to place all the ashes in it. In fact, the volume of an adult’s ashes totals approximately 3 litres, or about 33 cm3/kg, which is much greater than the capacity of a reliquary.
The weight of the deceased will therefore determine the size of the urn. Common urns have a minimum volume of 2.5 litres and most can hold 3 litres, which is sufficient for most deceased.
Resting place for ashes
In addition to your budget, the resting place of the ashes is a determining factor in choosing between an urn and a reliquary.
If you wish to store the ashes in a columbarium, the material of the urn will be less important than its appearance. If you want to incorporate the urn in a funerary monument, choose an urn made of sturdy, weather-resistant materials. If you want to bury the ashes in a cemetery or scatter them, then choose a simple model. And lastly, if the ashes will be put in the ocean, you need to opt for a biodegradable urn. There are also ecological urns that can be placed in the ground to grow a tree.
If you prefer to keep part of the ashes in a reliquary and then entrust the rest to a cemetery or columbarium, check with the funeral director, as some cemeteries are reluctant to separate the ashes and duplicate the deceased’s burial site.
A tribute to the person and their beliefs
Whether you choose an urn, a reliquary or both, the main consideration is to respect the last wishes and beliefs of the deceased, while enabling loved ones to find peace and comfort. The urn represents the deceased’s final resting place, so take the time to carefully think through your decision.
To get a clearer picture of the range of urns and reliquaries available, don’t hesitate to ask the advisors at Crématorium Montréal.
READ MORE7 Steps to Writing a Eulogy
When the time comes to pay your last respects to a loved one, it is sometimes difficult to find the right words to express the extent of your feelings towards that person and to summarize the highlights of his or her life in just a few short minutes. Crématorium Montréal has compiled some tips and advice to help you write a eulogy that is appropriate for the person whose memory you wish to celebrate.
- Write down the words that describe the deceased
On a sheet of paper, write down the words that come to mind when you think of the deceased: qualities, favourite phrases, favourite songs, hobbies, anecdotes, etc. If you lack inspiration, also check with people who knew the person well. - Determine the form of your eulogy
The typical eulogy usually touches on a number of aspects of the deceased, which you can put in the following order: your relationship with the person, a short biography of his or her work, family and personal life, their passions and main qualities, a few anecdotes and a conclusion that ends with a quote, song or poem.You can also provide a general portrait of the deceased, specifying that person’s main qualities and why he or she was appreciated, or recount the main stages of that person’s life chronologically, adding a few anecdotes. If you want to add a little bit of a lighter tone to your eulogy, you can simply choose to link a number of anecdotes that well illustrate the various traits of that person and that touch on all aspects of his or her life. - Structure your ideas
Once you have determined the form of your eulogy, write an outline by structuring the ideas you have written down and including an introduction and a conclusion. This step will help ensure that you don’t forget anything and will make the writing process much easier. - Write the main part of your speech
This key step is often one of the most difficult. If you are unsure how to begin your eulogy, you can ask a question, quote the deceased, or use a proverb or quotation. Choose words that are simple but that still convey your emotions. - Have one or two people read your eulogy
Once you have completed your first draft, read your eulogy to a few close friends or family members to get their feedback and to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything. Then correct your draft, if necessary. - Practice your eulogy out loud
On the day of the funeral, you will probably be nervous. To minimize your stress, rehearse your speech a few times to master it. This will also help you determine where to pause and how to deliver your sentences. - Print your text
Preferably, space out your text and print it out in a large enough font, or write it in clear handwriting to ensure that it is easy to read.
In the process, remember that what’s important is to let your heart speak and not to strive for perfection at all cost. The deceased would certainly not have demanded it, nor will your audience, for that matter. If you need help or inspiration in writing your eulogy, you can always ask your Crématorium Montréal advisor, who can guide you.
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