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What to Do with the Ashes After Cremation

What to do with the ashes of a loved one following the cremation of the deceased’s body? This is one of the most common questions asked of funeral homes and one of the most frequently asked questions on the web. Crématorium Montreal offers you a few options as well as information on what you need to know before choosing the final resting place for your loved one.

The decision of the deceased comes first

Before you even consider the options available to you, it is important to note that the deceased may have already chosen what to do with his/her ashes in his/her Last Will and Testament. If this information is not included in that document, it will then be up to the family to make the decision.

The choice of urn

Regardless of the choice made by the deceased or the family, the ashes must be placed in an urn in order to leave the funeral home with which you have dealt. Wood, metal, stone, ceramic, glass, resin, salt, sand, paper or recycled cardboard—there are many different materials and designs to meet your needs or to honour the memory of the deceased. They are also available in all shapes and sizes. The type of urn will depend on what you choose to do with the ashes.

What do we do with them next?

There are many ways to dispose of the ashes of a departed loved one, depending on one’s values and beliefs. You can:

Keep the ashes at home
Sometimes, the family just wants to keep the urn at home in a simple way. In this case, the urn is placed in a special location for contemplation or merely in plain sight with a photo. It is also possible to use the ashes to make decorative objects such as reliquaries. At Crématorium Montréal, we offer a wide variety of reliquaries at our online shop.

Burial of ashes in a cemetery
A more traditional option is to bury the urn in a family plot or to purchase a plot in a cemetery. In this way, the family can pay their respects in front of a monument, in the same way as a traditional burial. It is important to know that it is against the law to bury an urn anywhere other than in a cemetery.

Display the urn in a columbarium
The columbarium is a peaceful, serene place where urns can be stored or displayed in glass cases. Much like a cemetery, the columbarium is an indoor or outdoor place of remembrance that family members can visit to pay their respects to their deceased loved one.

Scatter the ashes in nature
In Quebec, it is permitted to scatter the ashes of a deceased person in nature, as long as they do not constitute a nuisance and the scattering is not done in a way that could compromise the dignity of the deceased. There is no need to let the ashes blow away in the wind; you may dispose of the ashes of the deceased in an ecological way, thanks to biodegradable urns made of salt, sand, paper, etc., if it has environmental properties.

In short, for any questions or to help you choose the best option according to your needs, customs, values and traditions, or those of a loved one, consult the advisors at Crématorium Montréal. Our dedicated team is used to dealing with these types of questions and will be able to guide you.

What to Do with the Property of a Deceased Person

The death of a loved one is a difficult experience to go through. The deceased person’s family and friends often find themselves involuntarily managing the many steps relating to the departure of their loved one, in addition to having to deal with their grief. Crématorium Montréal explains what to do with the deceased’s belongings, to help you navigate this rather unfamiliar situation.

The estate

In legal jargon, all the property owned by a person at the time of death is called the “estate”. The estate can be accepted or refused, and the heirs generally have six months to make their decision. The property in the estate must then be “liquidated” in accordance with the wishes of the deceased, or in accordance with the law, if the will doesn’t mention it. Usually, the name of the designated liquidator of the estate is included in the will. This person is responsible for ensuring the proper management of the deceased’s belongings to be liquidated in the heirs’ interest.

The inventory

In order to know the extent of the estate, it is essential to make an inventory, as required by law. This inventory will provide a realistic picture of the deceased’s assets and debts. The inventory includes immovable property (the official designation of properties with their respective values), cars, collections of various objects, antique furniture, etc. It also includes bank accounts, stocks, bonds, debts and other similar securities with the value of each one. In addition, it is important to list assets and liabilities and to publish a Notice of closure of the inventory in the Registre des droits personnels et réels mobiliers (RDPRM) (the register of personal and movable real rights), once everything is established.

To help you, it is recommended that you call on the services of specialists to assess the value of the belongings (assets). Take note that without an inventory, the heirs are responsible for the deceased’s debts.

What to do with personal household belongings

Often indicated in the will or discussed with the family beforehand, personal belongings of sentimental value are often divided among the heirs, according to the wishes of the deceased. Since items worth less than $100 are not included in the inventory, it is up to the family to keep or dispose of them. Souvenirs, framed photos, photo albums, jewelry, clothing, stationery, furniture, dishes, etc. are all items that may have great sentimental value, so it is important to respect the wishes of the deceased.

If no mention is made and you find yourself with a lot of possessions to dispose of, consider helping others by donating them to non-profit organizations. They will then give items such as clothing or small appliances to people or families in need. Here is a complete list of organizations that collect donations by type of item in the Greater Montreal area:

Otherwise, the Fondation la collecte, Le Support or Entraide diabétique du Québec, to name a few, are all organizations that collect your items in good condition to fund important causes in Quebec! Another great way to give back to the community…

In short, it is true that the departure of a loved one brings great upheaval, pain and a considerable amount of work to understand all the steps and liquidate the estate. For more details on what to do after the death of a loved one, contact a Crématorium Montréal advisor, who will be able to direct you to the right resources to help you get through this ordeal more serenely.

Candles: Meaning and Influence

For a number of people, candles are endowed with many powers. Used for rituals, for prayers, to make wishes or to honour a loved one, the candle was invented in the middle of the 19th century, when it was used mainly as a source of light. According to various beliefs, the coloured candles we know today have specific meanings and uses. Crematorium Montreal invites you into the world of coloured candles.

From tallow candles to modern-day candles

The ancestor of modern-day candles, tallow candles were invented 3,000 years before Christ. Originally, they were made of rushes soaked in animal (beef or mutton) or vegetable fat that were left to harden for several hours. In addition to smelling bad, the tallow candle produced only a tiny yellow flame and a lot of smoke.

As for beeswax candles, they were much more expensive and were mainly used by the nobility and the clergy. They provided better lighting, less smoke and did not give off any bad smells. Later, in the 19th century, tallow candles were replaced by stearin candles—the ones we know today.

Coloured candles and their significance

Depending on your ritual or prayer, choose the appropriate colour:

White: A symbol of purity, the white candle brings sincerity, truth and peace. This colour is used mainly for purification, as it represents spirituality. It can also replace all other colours.

Yellow: Yellow represents fortune and success. The yellow candle helps to increase self-confidence, intelligence and personal magnetism. It is generally used in care treatments.

Orange: Orange-coloured candles stimulate vital energy. They are used to relieve tension and be attractive to the world.

Pink: Pink represents platonic love, tenderness and affection. It is mainly used for everything related to sentimental stories and stable bonds.

Red: Symbol of passion and sexuality, red candles induce true love and awaken the dormant libido. They also allow women to reconnect with their sacred feminine power.

Violet: Symbol of protection and colour of independence, violet favours initiatives and is the typical colour of the psyche.

Blue: Blue candles promote creativity and protection against bad external influences.

Black: Black puts a brake on and neutralizes evil and bad energy. The black candle is often used as a shield against negative influences.

Gold: Often used at Christmas, golden candles have the power to attract good waves and positive cosmic influences! We take them out at Christmas time without even knowing about their benefits!

In short, candles are a good way to address your guardian angel or a departed loved one. They can be used to meditate or to make a special request. During a ritual or a prayer, it is important to let the candle burn until the end, whether you light a lantern or a standard candle. The next time you buy candles, think about their meaning, in addition to beautifying your home. If you would like to light a virtual candle in honour of a loved one, contact our sister division Complexe Aeterna and send them a photo of your loved one. Then they can invite family and friends to do the same.

The Colours of Mourning

Grief is an adaptive process that we all go through at one time or another to ease the pain of losing a loved one. Although scientists have defined phases or stages of grief, each individual experiences the grieving process differently. Crematorium Montreal takes a look at the colours of grief, their meaning and their history.

At a funeral, we wear black

For many centuries, it has been customary to wear dark clothing to a funeral. This western tradition, to indicate to those around us and to the local population that we are in mourning, dates back to the 15th century. We also find some traces of its history long before that in Ancient Rome, where magistrates mourned their predecessor when they took office. For many centuries, the culture of grieving required the widow to “remain in mourning” (a tradition with several rules to follow, including the wearing of black clothes) for 2 years.

A colour associated with death, black is also associated with the earth, the underground, darkness, or the devil and sin according to the Bible. Black represents the darkness, night sleep, the absence of sun under the earth, completely opposite to the light.

Mourning in the world

While the Western world has adopted black to represent mourning, many other countries have preferred to associate it with bright and cheerful colours. In India and Japan, it is customary to wear white for funerals, symbolizing the purity of the soul, light and eternal rest. In China, red is associated with mourning and sometimes even pink, which symbolizes a joyful celebration if the deceased was very old—a sign of a long life. For Iranians, blue is the dominant colour, synonymous with eternal peace. Purple in its full spectrum, from lavender to mauve, is the liturgical colour of the Mass of the Dead and it formed an integral part of the mourning tradition for men in the 15th century. Today, black, grey, white, navy blue, dark green and dark mauve are all colours that we frequently find at funerals.

Flowers, the opposite of clothes
Traditionally, white or mauve flowers are chosen to celebrate the departure of a loved one—the perfect colours for mourning. White is symbolic of spirituality, peace, consolation and the passage from night to light. In contrast to the white flower, the purple flower evokes sadness and melancholy. Soft and nostalgic, pastel-coloured flowers are also ideal for funerals, and are often chosen to express bonds of friendship.

In short, black is never a requirement for a burial or funeral. Even though it symbolizes a universal mark of respect, it is all the more important to respect the choices, customs and traditions of the deceased and the family. More and more people prefer to celebrate the death of their loved one in a different way, without following the traditions of their ancestors step by step.

Cemeteries: places of remembrance with a rich history

Deriving its roots from the Greek word koimeterion or from the Latin coemeterium, which means “place where one sleeps”, the term cemetery designates a place dedicated to the burial of the deceased, whose location is identified by tombstones.

These solemn places for meditation have a rich history and have fueled the imagination of many people, as evidenced by numerous movies and legends. Crématorium Montréal therefore invites you to discover some of the many facets of cemeteries!

The origins of cemeteries

In the Western world, the first cemeteries appeared in the Middle Ages and were usually located near a place of worship, bringing together the dead and the living, so that the faithful could pray for their ancestors. Cemeteries differ from the burial grounds of prehistoric times, which consisted of unmarked graves, as well as from ancient necropolises, such as those of the pharaohs, which were located outside cities. Interestingly, the Law of the Twelve Tables of the ancient Roman Empire prohibited the burial of the dead in cities for hygienic reasons.

With the rise of Christianity, under the empire of Charlemagne, the cremation of the dead—a practice considered pagan—was rejected in order to give the dead a burial place (a grave):a rite more in keeping with the concept of resurrection of the dead. The cemeteries as we know them today really appeared around the 10th or 11th century.

Witnesses to our history

In Quebec and elsewhere in Canada, there are several types of cemeteries, reflecting different parts of our history. The first explorers were often buried in undifferentiated cemeteries, punctuated by wooden crosses.

Later, early settlers in rural areas were buried in small family plots—now abandoned—with up to twenty graves. In the small villages, there were cemeteries adjacent to the chapels, which are mostly unused today.

Nowadays, the dead are generally buried in urban cemeteries. Canadians who served in the Armed Forces may be laid to rest in the Canadian War Cemeteries, which are listed here.

Cemeteries of any kind are always peaceful and serene, especially when they are located in a natural setting, near water or in large green spaces. Most cemeteries built in the last century have pathways and arched walkways, demonstrating the growing concern for making cemeteries pleasant places of commemoration.

Cemetery or columbarium?

When cremation is chosen, the urn may be buried in a cemetery or stored in a columbarium. Although they are not built in natural surroundings, columbariums offer the advantage of being able to pay one’s respects or go there and meditate at any time of the day, protected from the elements.

While burial is permanent and costs are paid only once for the plot and burial, the space in the columbarium must be rented for a set period of time, at the end of which the estate may choose to renew the rental, keep the urn or bury it.

Cemeteries in popular culture

Many horror films have used cemeteries to portray their characters, such as Pet Sematary and Beetlejuice. Some places are the subject of incredible legends, such as the Stull cemetery in Kansas, in which a passageway to the gates of Hell is said to open. It was even made into a movie!

If you would you like to know the address or contact information of a particular cemetery, the cimetieresduquebec.ca website lists all the cemeteries in Quebec. Or ask one of our advisors at Crématorium Montréal to help you. We partner with other cemeteries for the burial of your deceased’s ashes.

My Souvenir Album

It is often said that it is important to live in the moment, because projecting into the future can create anxiety, while dwelling on the past leads to regret. This doesn’t mean that we should neglect remembering the happy moments of our lives! In fact, positive memories build our self-esteem and are an essential part of building healthy relationships with those around us. Good memories can even improve our perception of the present!

Making a photo album is the best way to immortalize our memories. You may have neglected this activity ever since digital photography became popular, but here are a few points from Crématorium Montréal that will help you reconnect with this tradition.

Why make a souvenir album?

Immortalizing your memories in the form of a photo album enables you to leave a trace of your past, to share it with your loved ones and to leave a legacy to your family.

It is also a way to remember happy moments spent with the people you love. Your parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents will be happy to tell you the stories behind each photo!

A souvenir album provides an opportunity to share the emotions you experienced at the time the pictures were taken. It’s impossible to remain unmoved when looking at a photo of your child’s first steps, an outstanding outing with friends or the 40th wedding anniversary of your parents who are still in love today!

Digital versus print

In answer to the essential question: should you choose a digital photo album or a printed one, both have their advantages and disadvantages. The printed album enables you to have a tangible object and really makes your memories come alive. The scrapbooking album also gives you a chance to be creative by adding your personal notes and memories, such as plane or show tickets, a child’s drawing or a brochure of a place you visited.

If you don’t have time for scrapbooking or if you find it too expensive to print photos, you can simply print your photos in the form of a digital album. All you have to do is choose your photos and the format of the album. The web interface takes care of the rest! Alternatively, you can print a few and store them in a nice wooden box or case. No matter which option you choose, the main thing is to carry on the tradition of passing on your memories!

Bringing images to life

If you don’t make a printed photo album, it’s still fun to print a few photos to frame and display in your home. It’s a simple way to personalize your home and make it cozier.

Plus, photos bring your happy memories to life and keep your loved ones in your memory, even if they have passed away. A nice frame, a photo montage or a personalized souvenir album are also excellent gifts for your relatives and friends.

A unifying activity

If making your own photo album seems overwhelming, you can turn it into a family activity by inviting a few family members to take part in the task. A great way to create memories is to search through your best memories!

Celebrating a Funeral in the Absence of a Body

In certain situations, such as a plane crash, a disappearance or a death in a foreign country, it may be difficult—if not impossible—to recover the body of the deceased.

Although more and more people today are choosing not to have the body exposed or are opting for cremation, having to hold a funeral in the absence of a loved one’s remains can be particularly emotionally challenging.

In these circumstances, what is the law and how should this be done? Is it appropriate to commemorate the deceased? Here are a few guidelines developed by Crématorium Montréal to help you.

Repatriation to Canada

If the deceased died in another province or a foreign country or if you want to repatriate the body, whether to celebrate the funeral or to bury the remains, ÆTERNA Funeral Complex will accompany you in this process and will take care of all the necessary steps for you.

In this case, take note that you must fill out an Application for Insertion of an Act of Civil Status Made Outside Québec into the Québec Register of Civil Status in order to register the death outside Quebec in the Quebec Register of civil status, which will facilitate the steps related to the succession.

Missing, but not forgotten

In the case of a disappearance—following a runaway or abduction, for example—family and friends never stop hoping to find their missing loved one. Under Quebec law, a person is presumed to be alive for seven years following his or her disappearance and it is only at the end of this period of time that a death certificate may be issued.

An exceptional accident

However, the missing person can be declared dead before this period of time if the circumstances indicate that death is certain, for example, if he or she was the victim of an airplane crash, an earthquake or an explosion that prevented the body from being found.

A meaningful rite

Whatever the exceptional situation you are facing, we can assist you in planning funeral rites to commemorate the deceased. We can symbolically represent the deceased with a large photo surrounded by a basket of flowers, significant objects that belonged to him or her, and a lighted candle, and then plan a celebration—whether religious or not—in his or her honour.

It is also possible to create a commemorative plaque that will be placed in the chosen place of remembrance, whether a cemetery, a columbarium or a house.

Regardless of how you choose to commemorate your loved one, the most important thing is to give yourself and others who knew him or her a chance to say good-bye so that the grieving process can begin in peace.

Don’t hesitate to contact one of our advisors to receive personalized support in planning the celebration of your loved one.

Sources:
https://blogue.soquij.qc.ca/2013/07/16/le-jugement-declaratif-de-deces/ (in French)
https://www.quebec.ca/en/family-and-support-for-individuals/death/death-occuring-in-special-circumstances
https://educaloi.qc.ca/en/capsules/death-certificates-and-related-documents/

How to Choose a Funeral Urn or Reliquary

When planning a funeral for a loved one, there are many decisions to make about how to honour that person’s memory. If your loved one chose cremation, you may be unsure whether to choose an urn or a reliquary to hold their ashes. Since there is a wide range of urns and reliquaries available, here is Crématorium Montréal’s overview of the options available to you so that you can make an informed choice in accordance with your own values and the wishes of the deceased.

Difference between a reliquary and a funeral urn

Similar to a closed vase, a funeral urn is a container used to hold all the ashes of the deceased. Some models are specially designed for burial, while others are more suitable for display (at home or in a columbarium).

While the reliquary was once a box designed to hold a relic, i.e. a part of the body, a garment or an object that belonged to a saint, it has since become a smaller and more ornamental version of the urn. It can take the form of a miniature urn, a piece of jewelry or a keepsake. It can hold a portion of the deceased’s ashes, a lock of hair or a piece of clothing. Crématorium Montréal offers a number of models of reliquaries in a variety of styles and materials: an urn, a candlestick holder, a pebble or a pyramid.

The volume of the ashes

If you choose a reliquary, take note that you will not be able to place all the ashes in it. In fact, the volume of an adult’s ashes totals approximately 3 litres, or about 33 cm³/kg, which is much greater than the capacity of a reliquary.

The weight of the deceased will therefore determine the size of the urn. Common urns have a minimum volume of 2.5 litres and most can hold 3 litres, which is sufficient for most deceased.

Resting place for ashes

In addition to your budget, the resting place of the ashes is a determining factor in choosing between an urn and a reliquary.

If you wish to store the ashes in a columbarium, the material of the urn will be less important than its appearance. If you want to incorporate the urn in a funerary monument, choose an urn made of sturdy, weather-resistant materials. If you want to bury the ashes in a cemetery or scatter them, then choose a simple model. And lastly, if the ashes will be put in the ocean, you need to opt for a biodegradable urn. There are also ecological urns that can be placed in the ground to grow a tree.

If you prefer to keep part of the ashes in a reliquary and then entrust the rest to a cemetery or columbarium, check with the funeral director, as some cemeteries are reluctant to separate the ashes and duplicate the deceased’s burial site.

A tribute to the person and their beliefs

Whether you choose an urn, a reliquary or both, the main consideration is to respect the last wishes and beliefs of the deceased, while enabling loved ones to find peace and comfort. The urn represents the deceased’s final resting place, so take the time to carefully think through your decision.

To get a clearer picture of the range of urns and reliquaries available, don’t hesitate to ask the advisors at Crématorium Montréal.

7 Steps to Writing a Eulogy

When the time comes to pay your last respects to a loved one, it is sometimes difficult to find the right words to express the extent of your feelings towards that person and to summarize the highlights of his or her life in just a few short minutes. Crématorium Montréal has compiled some tips and advice to help you write a eulogy that is appropriate for the person whose memory you wish to celebrate.

Write down the words that describe the deceased
On a sheet of paper, write down the words that come to mind when you think of the deceased: qualities, favourite phrases, favourite songs, hobbies, anecdotes, etc. If you lack inspiration, also check with people who knew the person well.
Determine the form of your eulogy
The typical eulogy usually touches on a number of aspects of the deceased, which you can put in the following order: your relationship with the person, a short biography of his or her work, family and personal life, their passions and main qualities, a few anecdotes and a conclusion that ends with a quote, song or poem.You can also provide a general portrait of the deceased, specifying that person’s main qualities and why he or she was appreciated, or recount the main stages of that person’s life chronologically, adding a few anecdotes. If you want to add a little bit of a lighter tone to your eulogy, you can simply choose to link a number of anecdotes that well illustrate the various traits of that person and that touch on all aspects of his or her life.
Structure your ideas
Once you have determined the form of your eulogy, write an outline by structuring the ideas you have written down and including an introduction and a conclusion. This step will help ensure that you don’t forget anything and will make the writing process much easier.
Write the main part of your speech
This key step is often one of the most difficult. If you are unsure how to begin your eulogy, you can ask a question, quote the deceased, or use a proverb or quotation. Choose words that are simple but that still convey your emotions.
Have one or two people read your eulogy
Once you have completed your first draft, read your eulogy to a few close friends or family members to get their feedback and to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything. Then correct your draft, if necessary.
Practice your eulogy out loud
On the day of the funeral, you will probably be nervous. To minimize your stress, rehearse your speech a few times to master it. This will also help you determine where to pause and how to deliver your sentences.
Print your text
Preferably, space out your text and print it out in a large enough font, or write it in clear handwriting to ensure that it is easy to read.

In the process, remember that what’s important is to let your heart speak and not to strive for perfection at all cost. The deceased would certainly not have demanded it, nor will your audience, for that matter. If you need help or inspiration in writing your eulogy, you can always ask your Crématorium Montréal advisor, who can guide you.

How to Avoid Family Conflicts in the Event of a Death

When a death occurs in the family, it is very difficult to see clearly and to think without letting emotions take over. Sometimes this is expected and we can then prepare ourselves, but when a loved one leaves us suddenly, it can lead to conflicts within the family. Even the closest-knit families can run into conflict when it comes to estate matters. Crématorium Montréal therefore has some tips to offer you on how to avoid family conflicts when a loved one dies.

Communication and precautions

In order to avoid any conflicts or heated situations at the time of your death, it is preferable to open the discussion about your estate in advance, with your children or your family. Conflicts are frequent when there is a large amount of money at stake, so it is best to inform your loved ones of your intentions and find solutions together. If it concerns the inheritance of material goods or family assets, a planned family meeting will help avoid any misunderstandings or frustrations and will also help find common ground on the distribution of assets. Your informed family will therefore have no surprises on the day of your funeral, as they will know what to expect. Clearly communicating your specific expectations and wishes to your family can save a lot of trouble.

Also, be honest with yourself and acknowledge family conflicts. When it comes time to settle an estate, old conflicts that have been simmering in the family for a long time sharply resurface. This is also when feelings of favouritism on the part of one of the children arise from sometimes trivial actions. It is therefore important to ensure that there is good understanding between the siblings and to clarify any jealousies that may have been lingering for a number of years.

A few key pieces of advice

First of all, leave clear instructions to your family members regarding the existence and location of your important documents. This will avoid unnecessary treasure hunting and frustration on the part of the heirs. Next, consider appointing a neutral executor for your estate. An objective professional who has no interest in the assets and money to be liquidated will handle everything in a more detached manner, leaving no room for emotion.

In short, it is difficult to foresee everything in advance, let alone the reactions that your loved ones may have. However, it is preferable to take the time to explain your plans, motivations and interests to your family, in order to reduce the chances of family conflicts arising when you leave this world. If you have any questions or would like someone to guide you in your prearrangements and with the estate, contact one of our advisors at Crematorium Montréal, at 514 940-0566.