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Cemeteries: places of remembrance with a rich history

Deriving its roots from the Greek word koimeterion or from the Latin coemeterium, which means “place where one sleeps”, the term cemetery designates a place dedicated to the burial of the deceased, whose location is identified by tombstones.

These solemn places for meditation have a rich history and have fueled the imagination of many people, as evidenced by numerous movies and legends. Crématorium Montréal therefore invites you to discover some of the many facets of cemeteries!

The origins of cemeteries

In the Western world, the first cemeteries appeared in the Middle Ages and were usually located near a place of worship, bringing together the dead and the living, so that the faithful could pray for their ancestors. Cemeteries differ from the burial grounds of prehistoric times, which consisted of unmarked graves, as well as from ancient necropolises, such as those of the pharaohs, which were located outside cities. Interestingly, the Law of the Twelve Tables of the ancient Roman Empire prohibited the burial of the dead in cities for hygienic reasons.

With the rise of Christianity, under the empire of Charlemagne, the cremation of the dead—a practice considered pagan—was rejected in order to give the dead a burial place (a grave):a rite more in keeping with the concept of resurrection of the dead. The cemeteries as we know them today really appeared around the 10th or 11th century.

Witnesses to our history

In Quebec and elsewhere in Canada, there are several types of cemeteries, reflecting different parts of our history. The first explorers were often buried in undifferentiated cemeteries, punctuated by wooden crosses.

Later, early settlers in rural areas were buried in small family plots—now abandoned—with up to twenty graves. In the small villages, there were cemeteries adjacent to the chapels, which are mostly unused today.

Nowadays, the dead are generally buried in urban cemeteries. Canadians who served in the Armed Forces may be laid to rest in the Canadian War Cemeteries, which are listed here.

Cemeteries of any kind are always peaceful and serene, especially when they are located in a natural setting, near water or in large green spaces. Most cemeteries built in the last century have pathways and arched walkways, demonstrating the growing concern for making cemeteries pleasant places of commemoration.

Cemetery or columbarium?

When cremation is chosen, the urn may be buried in a cemetery or stored in a columbarium. Although they are not built in natural surroundings, columbariums offer the advantage of being able to pay one’s respects or go there and meditate at any time of the day, protected from the elements.

While burial is permanent and costs are paid only once for the plot and burial, the space in the columbarium must be rented for a set period of time, at the end of which the estate may choose to renew the rental, keep the urn or bury it.

Cemeteries in popular culture

Many horror films have used cemeteries to portray their characters, such as Pet Sematary and Beetlejuice. Some places are the subject of incredible legends, such as the Stull cemetery in Kansas, in which a passageway to the gates of Hell is said to open. It was even made into a movie!

If you would you like to know the address or contact information of a particular cemetery, the cimetieresduquebec.ca website lists all the cemeteries in Quebec. Or ask one of our advisors at Crématorium Montréal to help you. We partner with other cemeteries for the burial of your deceased’s ashes.

My Souvenir Album

It is often said that it is important to live in the moment, because projecting into the future can create anxiety, while dwelling on the past leads to regret. This doesn’t mean that we should neglect remembering the happy moments of our lives! In fact, positive memories build our self-esteem and are an essential part of building healthy relationships with those around us. Good memories can even improve our perception of the present!

Making a photo album is the best way to immortalize our memories. You may have neglected this activity ever since digital photography became popular, but here are a few points from Crématorium Montréal that will help you reconnect with this tradition.

Why make a souvenir album?

Immortalizing your memories in the form of a photo album enables you to leave a trace of your past, to share it with your loved ones and to leave a legacy to your family.

It is also a way to remember happy moments spent with the people you love. Your parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents will be happy to tell you the stories behind each photo!

A souvenir album provides an opportunity to share the emotions you experienced at the time the pictures were taken. It’s impossible to remain unmoved when looking at a photo of your child’s first steps, an outstanding outing with friends or the 40th wedding anniversary of your parents who are still in love today!

Digital versus print

In answer to the essential question: should you choose a digital photo album or a printed one, both have their advantages and disadvantages. The printed album enables you to have a tangible object and really makes your memories come alive. The scrapbooking album also gives you a chance to be creative by adding your personal notes and memories, such as plane or show tickets, a child’s drawing or a brochure of a place you visited.

If you don’t have time for scrapbooking or if you find it too expensive to print photos, you can simply print your photos in the form of a digital album. All you have to do is choose your photos and the format of the album. The web interface takes care of the rest! Alternatively, you can print a few and store them in a nice wooden box or case. No matter which option you choose, the main thing is to carry on the tradition of passing on your memories!

Bringing images to life

If you don’t make a printed photo album, it’s still fun to print a few photos to frame and display in your home. It’s a simple way to personalize your home and make it cozier.

Plus, photos bring your happy memories to life and keep your loved ones in your memory, even if they have passed away. A nice frame, a photo montage or a personalized souvenir album are also excellent gifts for your relatives and friends.

A unifying activity

If making your own photo album seems overwhelming, you can turn it into a family activity by inviting a few family members to take part in the task. A great way to create memories is to search through your best memories!

Celebrating a Funeral in the Absence of a Body

In certain situations, such as a plane crash, a disappearance or a death in a foreign country, it may be difficult—if not impossible—to recover the body of the deceased.

Although more and more people today are choosing not to have the body exposed or are opting for cremation, having to hold a funeral in the absence of a loved one’s remains can be particularly emotionally challenging.

In these circumstances, what is the law and how should this be done? Is it appropriate to commemorate the deceased? Here are a few guidelines developed by Crématorium Montréal to help you.

Repatriation to Canada

If the deceased died in another province or a foreign country or if you want to repatriate the body, whether to celebrate the funeral or to bury the remains, ÆTERNA Funeral Complex will accompany you in this process and will take care of all the necessary steps for you.

In this case, take note that you must fill out an Application for Insertion of an Act of Civil Status Made Outside Québec into the Québec Register of Civil Status in order to register the death outside Quebec in the Quebec Register of civil status, which will facilitate the steps related to the succession.

Missing, but not forgotten

In the case of a disappearance—following a runaway or abduction, for example—family and friends never stop hoping to find their missing loved one. Under Quebec law, a person is presumed to be alive for seven years following his or her disappearance and it is only at the end of this period of time that a death certificate may be issued.

An exceptional accident

However, the missing person can be declared dead before this period of time if the circumstances indicate that death is certain, for example, if he or she was the victim of an airplane crash, an earthquake or an explosion that prevented the body from being found.

A meaningful rite

Whatever the exceptional situation you are facing, we can assist you in planning funeral rites to commemorate the deceased. We can symbolically represent the deceased with a large photo surrounded by a basket of flowers, significant objects that belonged to him or her, and a lighted candle, and then plan a celebration—whether religious or not—in his or her honour.

It is also possible to create a commemorative plaque that will be placed in the chosen place of remembrance, whether a cemetery, a columbarium or a house.

Regardless of how you choose to commemorate your loved one, the most important thing is to give yourself and others who knew him or her a chance to say good-bye so that the grieving process can begin in peace.

Don’t hesitate to contact one of our advisors to receive personalized support in planning the celebration of your loved one.

Sources:
https://blogue.soquij.qc.ca/2013/07/16/le-jugement-declaratif-de-deces/ (in French)
https://www.quebec.ca/en/family-and-support-for-individuals/death/death-occuring-in-special-circumstances
https://educaloi.qc.ca/en/capsules/death-certificates-and-related-documents/

How to Choose a Funeral Urn or Reliquary

When planning a funeral for a loved one, there are many decisions to make about how to honour that person’s memory. If your loved one chose cremation, you may be unsure whether to choose an urn or a reliquary to hold their ashes. Since there is a wide range of urns and reliquaries available, here is Crématorium Montréal’s overview of the options available to you so that you can make an informed choice in accordance with your own values and the wishes of the deceased.

Difference between a reliquary and a funeral urn

Similar to a closed vase, a funeral urn is a container used to hold all the ashes of the deceased. Some models are specially designed for burial, while others are more suitable for display (at home or in a columbarium).

While the reliquary was once a box designed to hold a relic, i.e. a part of the body, a garment or an object that belonged to a saint, it has since become a smaller and more ornamental version of the urn. It can take the form of a miniature urn, a piece of jewelry or a keepsake. It can hold a portion of the deceased’s ashes, a lock of hair or a piece of clothing. Crématorium Montréal offers a number of models of reliquaries in a variety of styles and materials: an urn, a candlestick holder, a pebble or a pyramid.

The volume of the ashes

If you choose a reliquary, take note that you will not be able to place all the ashes in it. In fact, the volume of an adult’s ashes totals approximately 3 litres, or about 33 cm³/kg, which is much greater than the capacity of a reliquary.

The weight of the deceased will therefore determine the size of the urn. Common urns have a minimum volume of 2.5 litres and most can hold 3 litres, which is sufficient for most deceased.

Resting place for ashes

In addition to your budget, the resting place of the ashes is a determining factor in choosing between an urn and a reliquary.

If you wish to store the ashes in a columbarium, the material of the urn will be less important than its appearance. If you want to incorporate the urn in a funerary monument, choose an urn made of sturdy, weather-resistant materials. If you want to bury the ashes in a cemetery or scatter them, then choose a simple model. And lastly, if the ashes will be put in the ocean, you need to opt for a biodegradable urn. There are also ecological urns that can be placed in the ground to grow a tree.

If you prefer to keep part of the ashes in a reliquary and then entrust the rest to a cemetery or columbarium, check with the funeral director, as some cemeteries are reluctant to separate the ashes and duplicate the deceased’s burial site.

A tribute to the person and their beliefs

Whether you choose an urn, a reliquary or both, the main consideration is to respect the last wishes and beliefs of the deceased, while enabling loved ones to find peace and comfort. The urn represents the deceased’s final resting place, so take the time to carefully think through your decision.

To get a clearer picture of the range of urns and reliquaries available, don’t hesitate to ask the advisors at Crématorium Montréal.

7 Steps to Writing a Eulogy

When the time comes to pay your last respects to a loved one, it is sometimes difficult to find the right words to express the extent of your feelings towards that person and to summarize the highlights of his or her life in just a few short minutes. Crématorium Montréal has compiled some tips and advice to help you write a eulogy that is appropriate for the person whose memory you wish to celebrate.

Write down the words that describe the deceased
On a sheet of paper, write down the words that come to mind when you think of the deceased: qualities, favourite phrases, favourite songs, hobbies, anecdotes, etc. If you lack inspiration, also check with people who knew the person well.
Determine the form of your eulogy
The typical eulogy usually touches on a number of aspects of the deceased, which you can put in the following order: your relationship with the person, a short biography of his or her work, family and personal life, their passions and main qualities, a few anecdotes and a conclusion that ends with a quote, song or poem.You can also provide a general portrait of the deceased, specifying that person’s main qualities and why he or she was appreciated, or recount the main stages of that person’s life chronologically, adding a few anecdotes. If you want to add a little bit of a lighter tone to your eulogy, you can simply choose to link a number of anecdotes that well illustrate the various traits of that person and that touch on all aspects of his or her life.
Structure your ideas
Once you have determined the form of your eulogy, write an outline by structuring the ideas you have written down and including an introduction and a conclusion. This step will help ensure that you don’t forget anything and will make the writing process much easier.
Write the main part of your speech
This key step is often one of the most difficult. If you are unsure how to begin your eulogy, you can ask a question, quote the deceased, or use a proverb or quotation. Choose words that are simple but that still convey your emotions.
Have one or two people read your eulogy
Once you have completed your first draft, read your eulogy to a few close friends or family members to get their feedback and to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything. Then correct your draft, if necessary.
Practice your eulogy out loud
On the day of the funeral, you will probably be nervous. To minimize your stress, rehearse your speech a few times to master it. This will also help you determine where to pause and how to deliver your sentences.
Print your text
Preferably, space out your text and print it out in a large enough font, or write it in clear handwriting to ensure that it is easy to read.

In the process, remember that what’s important is to let your heart speak and not to strive for perfection at all cost. The deceased would certainly not have demanded it, nor will your audience, for that matter. If you need help or inspiration in writing your eulogy, you can always ask your Crématorium Montréal advisor, who can guide you.

How to Avoid Family Conflicts in the Event of a Death

When a death occurs in the family, it is very difficult to see clearly and to think without letting emotions take over. Sometimes this is expected and we can then prepare ourselves, but when a loved one leaves us suddenly, it can lead to conflicts within the family. Even the closest-knit families can run into conflict when it comes to estate matters. Crématorium Montréal therefore has some tips to offer you on how to avoid family conflicts when a loved one dies.

Communication and precautions

In order to avoid any conflicts or heated situations at the time of your death, it is preferable to open the discussion about your estate in advance, with your children or your family. Conflicts are frequent when there is a large amount of money at stake, so it is best to inform your loved ones of your intentions and find solutions together. If it concerns the inheritance of material goods or family assets, a planned family meeting will help avoid any misunderstandings or frustrations and will also help find common ground on the distribution of assets. Your informed family will therefore have no surprises on the day of your funeral, as they will know what to expect. Clearly communicating your specific expectations and wishes to your family can save a lot of trouble.

Also, be honest with yourself and acknowledge family conflicts. When it comes time to settle an estate, old conflicts that have been simmering in the family for a long time sharply resurface. This is also when feelings of favouritism on the part of one of the children arise from sometimes trivial actions. It is therefore important to ensure that there is good understanding between the siblings and to clarify any jealousies that may have been lingering for a number of years.

A few key pieces of advice

First of all, leave clear instructions to your family members regarding the existence and location of your important documents. This will avoid unnecessary treasure hunting and frustration on the part of the heirs. Next, consider appointing a neutral executor for your estate. An objective professional who has no interest in the assets and money to be liquidated will handle everything in a more detached manner, leaving no room for emotion.

In short, it is difficult to foresee everything in advance, let alone the reactions that your loved ones may have. However, it is preferable to take the time to explain your plans, motivations and interests to your family, in order to reduce the chances of family conflicts arising when you leave this world. If you have any questions or would like someone to guide you in your prearrangements and with the estate, contact one of our advisors at Crematorium Montréal, at 514 940-0566.

Speaking at funerals

Far from being a natural ability, public speaking is a skill that develops with time and practice. When it comes to speaking at emotional events such as funerals, the task becomes all the more difficult as you have to deal with other emotions as well as stress. Here are some suggestions prepared by Crématorium Montreal for successful speaking at funerals.

Stress, the enemy of public speaking

It is well known that more than half of all adults say they feel a great deal of stress before speaking in public. Clammy hands, palpitations, dry mouth, hot flashes and stuttering are all symptoms of stress, experienced at different intensities by everyone. For some people, it can cause intestinal or digestive problems, or even dizziness. Stress undermines self-confidence and can lead to a loss of up to 50% of communication skills. If you are uncomfortable speaking in public, you can be well prepared and put all the chances of success on your side when the time comes.

Preparing well: some suggestions

As with many things, preparation is the key to success. For a eulogy or a funeral tribute, it’s not much different. Get a head start and write your text by choosing your words carefully. This will allow you to adequately illustrate each idea and each step of your tribute. Next, practise reading your eulogy aloud in front of a mirror, a pet or a loved one. This will help you refine your text, adjust your tone, respect the time allotted for your speech and better manage your emotions on the day of the funeral. In addition, don’t forget to speak from the heart. A speech that is felt is worth a thousand times more than a scrupulously memorized speech. It will touch your audience more. Finally, to feel comfortable, wear appropriate attire for the event. This will make you feel more confident in front of the crowd.

On the day itself

Even if the stress is getting to you and you feel like everyone in the audience is staring at you, stay calm, composed and grounded when you give your eulogy. Be sure to speak standing up, as this will allow those present to see you well and will also project your voice better. In addition, remember to speak slowly to give people time to think about what you are saying. Nervousness often causes us to speak too quickly. Moreover, try not to read your text word for word; express yourself in your own words. If at any point you lose the thread of your eulogy due to too much emotion, just pause, take a deep breath and go back to the beginning of your thought. If you have a memory lapse, you can also tie it in to a concrete personal experience with the deceased and simply talk about it. Remember that the audience is also overcome with emotion; they are there to support you, not judge you. And lastly, if you have difficulty looking at the audience, try to find a few familiar faces to focus on during your eulogy. Looking at the back of the room or scanning the room regularly with your eyes are other options that will enable you to sustain your audience’s interest, while concentrating on your words.

The eulogy or funeral tribute is a celebration of the life of the deceased. It not only consoles the people attending the funeral, but also comforts them by soothing their thoughts. For a cremation, Crématorium Montréal offers you the possibility of organizing a small ceremony in the cremation room to say goodbye to your loved one. If you have to speak at a funeral, remember to breathe and speak from the heart.

Understanding Funeral Vocabulary

When a loved one dies or when planning your funeral pre-arrangements, you will quickly be immersed in the language of the funeral world. However, for most people, the vocabulary used can sometimes seem complex. Crématorium Montréal has therefore prepared a small list of the main terms used in the funeral industry, so that you will be better equipped when you speak to our advisors.

Cremation terms

If you choose cremation, our advisors will use certain words related to this process. One of the main mistakes made by the general public is in the use of the terms cremation and incineration. In fact, these two terms are not used in the same context. Incineration is the destruction of waste by fire using an incinerator, while cremation is the burning of a body to reduce it to ashes.

Here are some other terms that you should know what they mean:

Crematorium: This is the building where the cremation of a deceased person’s body takes place, such as Crématorium Montréal.
Columbarium: This is the place where cremation urns are kept. The columbarium is composed of a number of compartments, called niches, located on the same wall or part of a wall. The columbarium may be located at the cemetery or in a funeral home. It can be indoors or outside.
Niche: This is the recess in a wall where the urn is placed in a columbarium.
Sepulchre: This is the term used when referring to the place where human remains are laid to rest. The sepulchre may be the location in a cemetery, the niche in a columbarium or the crypt in a mausoleum. If the ashes of a deceased person are kept in a private home, this place could also be considered a sepulchre.

Cemetery terms

In the case of a burial in a cemetery, various terms may be used. Here is a short list:

Epitaph: This is the inscription that is placed on a sepulchre. It can be engraved directly on the tomb or on a plaque that will be attached to a niche.
Mausoleum: This is a large size funerary monument built in a cemetery. A mausoleum includes a crypt, in which the body or ashes of the deceased are placed.
Crypt: This is the place where the body (or the ashes) of the deceased is (are) laid to rest.
Vault: This is a container to protect the coffin before the burial. The vault is used to protect the casket or urn, and also to prevent it from sinking into the ground.
Receiving vault: This is the storage area for caskets during the months when burials can’t take place due to frozen ground, i.e. from November 1 to April 30.

Administrative terms

Dying also involves a lot of bureaucracy. Here is a list of the main terms you may hear:

Holograph will: This will is handwritten and must bear the signature of the person who wrote it. However, it must be probated after death, at the expense of the estate.
Will made in the presence of witnesses: This will may be handwritten or computer-printed and must bear your signature. To be valid, it must be signed by two witnesses. Again, this will, after your death, will need to be probated, at a cost to be incurred by the estate.
Notarized will: Even though this option is the most costly, it is the most secure type of will. In fact, you can benefit from the expertise of a notary to write this will and it will be entered in the register of testamentary dispositions, which is maintained by the Chambre des notaires du Québec.
Mandate in case of incapacity: Also known as a protection mandate or mandate in anticipation of incapacity, this document designates the individual(s) who will make decisions in the event that you become incapable of managing your own assets.
Liquidator: Formerly known as an executor, the liquidator is the person who will handle the estate of the deceased.

As you may have noticed, many words are used in the funeral world and they can be difficult to understand. However, the Crématorium Montréal team is here to give you the explanations you need to understand our world and guide you in your choices. At all times, don’t hesitate to ask your questions, as we are aware that people are often not familiar with the funeral world.

How Do You Explain Death to Children?

Death is quite a difficult subject to discuss and explain, especially when it comes time to talk to children about it. For example, when a death occurs in the family, telling your children about it can be both complex and painful, especially if you feel overwhelmed by the emotion yourself. Here are a few tips prepared by Crématorium Montréal to explain the concept of death to children, with tact and delicacy.

Finding the right words so as not to worry your children

Sometimes it can be tempting not to use certain words when it comes time to talk to your children about death. However, it is recommended instead that death be explained in language that is easy to understand and in the right words. Comparisons that may frighten children should be avoided at all costs. For example, by telling them that Grandma has fallen asleep, children may be afraid that they will fall asleep and never wake up. Comparing death to a long trip should also be avoided, as the children may have hopes that the deceased loved one will come back, or may become nervous about another loved one going on a trip. If the deceased person was very ill, it should be emphasized that the illness they had was incurable. Because otherwise children could become anxious at the thought of having a cold, as they don’t yet know the types of illnesses and their actual consequences. Just use the real word and say that Grandpa had cancer or that he had been infected with COVID and that no medication or treatment could have saved him.

Reading to help make it more understandable

Reading to your children often helps to find the right words to explain various situations in life. There are many books adapted to your children’s age and these will give you a chance to stop for a moment to discuss death, through words and illustrations adapted to your children’s level of understanding. When reading, be reassuring and encourage your children to express their emotions. Even if your children are very young, they will be able to try to express themselves in their own words, which will do them a lot of good. There are many available books that can help you simplify the concept of death in clear and concrete terms. You may consult the list prepared by Naitre et grandir on their website (under Le deuil) for some suggestions adapted to children, or consult your local bookstore or library, where the staff will be pleased to advise you.

Keep the memory alive

To make sure your young children don’t forget the person who died, various rituals can be put in place. Hang up a picture of the deceased, surrounded by your family, to keep your lost loved one close at hand. Consider creating a keepsake box in which your children can keep objects or photos that remind them of the deceased. Bring back memories of taste by cooking one of Grandma’s recipes or listening to her favourite music. These are simple ways for your children to remember the deceased on a daily basis. You could also plant a tree in memory of your lost loved one, or do a special activity on the day of that person’s death. This activity could be related to the deceased’s passions, or you could cook a meal that your lost loved one enjoyed.

Your children will probably have many questions and you may have to repeat certain things that may be very abstract for them. What’s important is that you do it gently and, above all, not prevent yourself from becoming emotional. In this way, your children will learn to express their own feelings and realize that it is normal to cry, feel grief or anger. If you need support, don’t hesitate to contact the team at Crématorium Montréal, where we will support you through these difficult times with compassion and empathy.

The Importance of Music at Funerals

Music plays an essential role in our lives. It accompanies us as much in the small moments of daily life as in the more significant events. Bringing people together, music enables us to get away from it all, while listening to one or more songs. During a funeral ceremony, music is all the more important, as it complements the last tribute paid to the deceased, while offering a certain form of relief. At Crématorium Montréal, our team has vast expertise in organizing personalized funerals. Here are a few tips to help you carefully choose the music that will support you in this ultimate farewell.

Why is music so important at funerals?

When it comes to planning a funeral, the choice of music is of special importance. In fact, the songs chosen serve as a bridge between the various texts and tributes during the ceremony, while reflecting the personal preferences of the deceased. In addition to soothing the heart and mind, music is a way to celebrate the life of the person who has left us.

Music also helps to accept the departure of a loved one. Since it can sometimes be difficult to find the right words to express grief and sorrow, music is there to offer a pause, some time to catch our breath and shed a few tears. The intensity of the emotion can also overwhelm us and leave us speechless, but bear in mind that many authors or singer-songwriters voice, with unparalleled delicacy, the most difficult feelings to express. Music also serves to release emotions and helps us to accept the pain and sorrow we feel.

The music chosen provides an opportunity to reflect silently on the departure of a loved one and to recall memories and anecdotes. In spite of the sadness, it is possible to choose songs that can make people smile and soothe the pain. Musical interludes are a moment of sharing and gentleness to lighten the ceremony, while giving loved ones a chance see things in retrospect and say a final good-bye to their dearly departed.

How to choose the right type of music

Depending on the type of ceremony, whether religious or not, you will have to select music that will link the various readings. In the case of a religious Catholic ceremony, some non-religious songs and compositions usually accompany the arrival and departure of the casket. It is therefore important to consult the priest who will lead the ceremony in order to choose the appropriate type of music. In the case of non-religious funerals, no special type of music is required. Musical pieces can therefore be chosen according to the taste of the dearly departed. They can also represent a significant event in the life of the deceased: marriage, birth of children, etc. Whether instrumental or with words, the pieces can evoke sadness or hope. In some cases, the music can relax the atmosphere and even bring a smile.

Classical or contemporary music, jazz or gospel, let your heart speak when it comes time to select the music. What’s important is to make sure it represents and pays tribute to the deceased. You can choose a musical recording, or call upon professional musicians and singers. Don’t hesitate to contact Crématorium Montréal for help and support from our team of advisors. We will be able to guide you in the choice of music, in order to pay a last personalized tribute to the deceased, in keeping with your budget and your values.